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Animal Jokes
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| Fast Turtle |
A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand.
The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.
The bartender looks at the guy and asks:
"What's wrong with your turtle?"
"Not a thing," the man responds, this beat up turtle is faster than your dog!"
"Not a chance!", replies the barkeep.
"Okay then, says the guy... you take your dog and let him stand at one end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there."
So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees.
The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog.
Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall and says -
"I WIN... Told you it'll be there before your dog!"
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Grandma's Nuts
A guy goes to visit hisgrandmother and he brings his friend with him.
While he's talking to his grandmother, hisfriend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finished them off.
As they'releaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says" Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off them. |
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